It’s funny how a number mean so much.
Ever since I turned 50 last October, I’ve been wondering if I am where I should be. What I mean is, am I doing serious work for serious pay? Am I even acting like a serious adult?
I’ve been dealing with those questions a lot over the last few months, but they went into overdrive after my most recent loss of a job in June. When you are let go of a job, and that has happened to me a lot, you deal with a lot of guilt. I know that my ADHD has something to do with my tumultuous career, but I think I should have tried harder. In the past, I used to think it was all about trying harder. But that’s not going to change things.
But when you have a neurological disability AND you’re fifty, you start to wonder if it’s time to try something new.
Now, I should add, I love the other part of my career, that of being a pastor. It’s not always easy, but I love what I do in that arena. But the pay right now isn’t enough to pay my way. I also want to do more than the pastor gig.
Usually, when I’ve lost a job, I’m looking at the job boards. I’ve focused mostly on nonprofits to find a position. But when you’re neurodiverse, working at a nonprofit is not always the best environment to be in. They don’t have the time or patience to work with you, and sometimes they don’t have the space to allow you to be creative. None of this is to say nonprofits are bad or the ones where I worked were bad. They just weren’t places where I could grow, or grow in my own way. Friends have given me job leads at nonprofits, but I haven’t been that interested. I’ve been burned too many times and I just don’t want to deal with the drama anymore.
I’ve started to toy with looking for work sideways. Instead of looking for a job and sending in a resume, I’m looking at more freelance positions and I’m interested in positions and opportunities that are off the beaten path. I have enough communication skills to be able to hire myself out. I can write, I’m good with graphics and these last few months of online worship, sharpened my video editing skills.
I could see myself doing some freelancing, writing about politics or religion, or maybe cars. I could also work on websites and social media strategy. I’ve been interested in working on a team that produces a podcast or even create a podcast or YouTube Channel. Or maybe start my own YouTube Channel
The challenge is trying to start. Most people say I have to do a lot of networking, which to be honest I really, hate. I know it is needed, but it feels fake to me. I also have to learn how to be a salesperson, which is also something I don’t like. I will have to learn how to do both in a way that I can tolerate. I’ve started doing this, but so far it hasn’t been that successful. I guess it takes time. I’ve been doing some communication work filling in for someone at a local church and I really like it. I would love to do that at another church, if that is possible. But I am open to other experiences if it feeds my soul. Because that’s what I want to do now. I’m tired of just taking a job and hope for the best. The best hasn’t happened yet. I usually get treated like shit.
So turning 50 (which is now 51) might mean doing something new. Heck, I might find a “regular” job but find it in a different way.
If you know of any avenues I should give a look-see, please let me know. Advice helps as well. You can send me an email at dennis.sanders@ gmail.com or just respond to this message. Off to find a new adventure.